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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881672">breakDown</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrikeLikeACobraKai/pseuds/StrikeLikeACobraKai'>StrikeLikeACobraKai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Biphobia does not exist in this dojo, Comfort, Does it, Drama, Eventual Smut, Exes, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Multi, POV Ali, POV First Person, Suspense, The Bobby/Johnny tag is (established), The Johnny/Ali ship is (past), Threesome - F/M/M, Unsafe Sex, Wild animals, Wilderness, breakdowns, negotiation, occasional references to previous recreational drug use, sexual acts, trapped together, vague implied references to past underage sexual activity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:54:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,824</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrikeLikeACobraKai/pseuds/StrikeLikeACobraKai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><b>mid-1980s.</b> Ali sometimes gets talked into helping out supervising her old Girl Scout troop. Like today, when they go for a trip to Joshua Tree National Park. She runs into some old friends there, and a whole heap of trouble.</p>
<p>(aka my first ‘Karate Kid’ story in the Suspense Drama genre, since I usually write Romance, Drama, Smut and Fluff. Some of those elements may yet be present also, but… <i>which ones</i>?)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bobby Brown/Johnny Lawrence, Bobby Brown/Johnny Lawrence/Ali Mills, Johnny Lawrence/Ali Mills</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Expedition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>With a cheesy trope like Trapped Together, I just had to lean right into it. I hope you enjoy the sense of danger, both physical and emotional, that poor Ali is subjected to here.</p>
<p>This story arose from a few things: my TKK OTP is certainly Johnny/Bobby, while my CK OTP is Johnny/Ali. I do have fun crossing those eras too, putting the ships in either one, but there was always this annoying ‘certainty’ in my mind that, “I guess there’s no way to blend <i>those</i> ships, huh??’ The next thing that happened was KingKarate saying to me one day that Johnny has had two great loves: Ali, and Bobby. And the third thing was, a random, random idea emerged in my brain, about two hours before I sat down and started writing this, of a situation that <i>just might</i> work. The final nail in the coffin was that the story just catapulted out of me onto the page, pretty much immediately, so I settled in for the ride.</p>
<p>I sure had fun.</p>
<p>So hopefully you do, too.</p>
<p>(final note: if you have a particular investment in either of these two ships, <b>please read the tags very carefully</b> before you start; they will explain the dynamics, and help you decide whether this story might be for you or not)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’ve been helping my troop leader with outings since I stopped Scouting, although I haven’t let Maria talk me into getting involved at their meetings.</p><p>They’re really short on volunteers at my old troop, so I don’t mind the odd day here and there, and the Juniors know me well enough to trust me and listen to me. It’s also a nice excuse to get out in the wilderness. Today’s walk through Joshua Tree will be fun; the warm weather is going to suit us well. It’s not a vigorous hike, rather a chance for the girls to take down some sketches of something from nature, and some of them have brought along their family cameras too. They’re working on a few different badges today, naturalist and outdoors art and exploring.</p><p>It’s safe here, relatively speaking, and when our bus passes by the rangers’ hut on the way in, they give the leader a map and some instructions for where we might see some interesting flora and fauna in the daytime.</p><p>We don’t stop at the entrance station, driving by the billboards and large sketches of animal life, because the girls have been studying in advance, and should know that information, well, the parts they’d find interesting. There are a few turnouts off of the road, a couple miles in, and I’m not sure if I register the red convertible among the half dozen cars near where the coach pulls in.</p><p>The Juniors get to their feet in a flurry of excited chatter, and start making plans for what kind of things they are going to be able to find first: gophers, jackrabbits, ground-squirrels. In their relatively innocent minds, saying so is all it will take to achieve it.</p><p>I wait until everybody is off the coach and check under the seats, gathering up one forgotten backpack, and bringing it with me.</p><p>I’ve given it back to its owner, with a reminder that she should be looking out for her possessions, and I’m distracted enough by the coach pulling out and starting a wide turn across the road, that it takes me a moment to notice the two very familiar figures heading over to the group of little girls clustered around their troop leader.</p><p>Of course. I’d forgotten Maria was Bobby’s aunt, by marriage.</p><p>He throws me a wave, and Johnny makes a more subdued gesture than that, and I take a deep breath and head over to join them.</p><p>“Right, girls,” Maria is saying. She’s got her trademark pigtails in her dark hair, despite being in her fifties, and it lends her friendly face a youthfulness that belies her weathered skin, brown from years outdoors. “Now, we’ll all be staying in our groups today, and Ali and I will be among you when you need any help, or you have a question. I want you to remember all the rules for today.”</p><p>The Juniors dutifully recite these, during which time Bobby grins at me, and Johnny looks guarded. I get it. I’m not sure we’ve said more than a few sentences at a time to each other, since… well, <em>since.</em></p><p>“Very good, girls. Now, my nephew Bobby is here today. You remember him, don’t you?”</p><p>The happy group of girls say they do.</p><p>I have to look out across the desert, to stop myself laughing at how unnatural Johnny looks when he gets introduced to them next.</p><p>The look Maria gives me means that she hasn’t forgotten that Johnny and I used to date, and I give her an easy smile: it’s fine.</p><p>“These nice young men have offered to act as extra pairs of eyes today, since we’re out in nature, and nature doesn’t always play by the rules. That’s why <em>we</em> have to, you understand? So if there’s any time that you feel worried, or you need some help, you feel free to ask Bobby, and Johnny, as well as the two of us.”</p><p>There’s some more rigmarole, and then the girls start to head off in little lines of fours, behind the leader.</p><p>I fall in at the back, and Bobby comes next to me, Johnny on the other side of him, as we follow the group into the sands, heading first for an impressive specimen of the tree.</p><p>“Helping my aunt again, Ali?” Bobby asks me.</p><p>“Hey, I had a good childhood in the Scouts.”</p><p>“You’re kind to her.”</p><p>I shake my head. “Not really… she keeps trying to get me to enlist properly, but this much I’m happy to do.”</p><p>Bobby grins. “Yeah, she’s not likely to give up easily on that.”</p><p>“Don’t I know it.”</p><p>I look across at Johnny. “How’d you get talked into this?”</p><p>He clicks his tongue against his teeth and smiles wryly. “Made the mistake of owing this guy a favor. Shoulda known he’d call it in on something like this.”</p><p>“Don’t give me that,” Bobby says. “It’ll be fun. Look where we are.”</p><p>“Yes, look,” Johnny says drily, and I laugh.</p><p>I ask, “You don’t like it here anymore?”</p><p>He gives me a brief glance, because that was a reference to us coming before, a handful of times, back when we were dating, and maybe he didn’t like me bringing it up.</p><p>“It’s not that. Looking after a swarm of children isn’t my idea of a fun day out, that’s all.”</p><p>“They’re not that bad,” I suggest hopefully, and he flicks his eyebrows.</p><p>“I guess we’ll see.”</p><p>*</p><p>Just a couple of the more adventurous girls have been trying to climb on the boulders when their troop leader was busy elsewhere, and one of my jobs has been to firmly, but kindly, tell those Juniors that they need to get down and focus on what they’ve been asked to. They listen well, some of them a little begrudgingly, but I lure them with the sight of some bighorn over the way, and they start talking in excited whispers.</p><p>I’ve also been carrying our troop’s snacks, and before that the paper bag of sandwiches which have been long demolished. There’s just my backpack now, with some high-energy items to fill the girls up when we go for our final walk.</p><p>I have seen the guys a few times during the day, and we’ve had a chance to chat a bit, although it’s been easier for me with Bobby, mainly, cos we can talk about the Scouts. We tease each other about badges we missed, and the best times we had at the national jamboree, and I don’t have to come up with other things to say, or feel awkward silences in between.</p><p>The troop have no great dramas or mishaps, and by the end of the day, the girls are tired. For some of them that means they’re a little short-tempered, and for others, mostly subdued and very cooperative, but I think they’re all very sweet. I visit the groups while they pack up, encouraging or keeping them on task, and then we come together to head back.</p><p>I’m helping send the girls into the coach, counting them as they pass me, when the ranger drives up in her beat-up truck. She’s got a baseball cap on over her short hair, and I’d place her in her late thirties.</p><p>She leans out of the window to talk to Maria while I concentrate on finishing my headcount. It tallies, and we will double check on the coach with a roll-call.</p><p>Once I’ve made sure the girls are all finding somewhere to sit without too much bickering about it, I skip back down the steps, and head over to the women.</p><p>My old troop leader turns to me with a tired and satisfied smile.</p><p>“I was just saying we’ll do one more sweep to make sure the girls haven’t left any trash.”</p><p>The ranger frowns. “If you want me to drive with you past town and show you that rest stop, we need to get going.”</p><p>“Well, okay, but…”</p><p>“I can go back,” I offer. “My friends are still over there.” I nod at Johnny’s car. “In fact… if you need to get going, I can even get a ride with them?”</p><p>“You’re right,” Maria says. “My nephew won’t mind helping you. Not as sure about that friend of his,” she adds drily.</p><p>I smile. “Let me go check.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Just don’t take too long,” Johnny tells us, as we spread out. “I wanna get going while it’s still light.”</p><p>“We’ve got ages,” Bobby says.</p><p>Maybe, but we’re the last car here, and I’m not sure I’m too comfortable at the thought of us being the only three people in the huge Park.</p><p>It took the coach a little while to leave, before, since one Junior started to cry when she thought she’d lost her film, and another one, her hat, but the items were located, buried under pencil cases and artbooks, and then names were ticked off one final time, and the door closed. The impatient looking ranger left the three of us by Johnny’s car, having extracted our promise we’d be out of the Park as soon as we could, because she wasn’t sure how long she’d be.</p><p>We’ve made a few passes through the areas we visited with the girls when they were sitting with their gear out, and then I happen upon a little pile of uneaten supplies.</p><p>I fondly shake my head and bend down, gathering up the granola bars and opening my backpack. I’m in the shadow of a big boulder outcropping, and I notice some scraps of paper in the sand, too. My conscience tells me I should report that to the troop leader, and my heart tells me to keep the secret, so I don’t get the girls into trouble.</p><p>I hear the guys come back along, on the other side of the outcrop.</p><p>“You still just wanna keep things casual?” Johnny asks.</p><p>There’s a long pause, and kind of a scuffing sound, a shoe in the desert sand.</p><p>“Well, I mean, yeah. It’s working, isn’t it?”</p><p>There’s the sound again, a little louder, and then a stifled laugh. Bobby, I’m pretty sure.</p><p>“Watch it,” says his voice, in a stage whisper.</p><p>“<em>You</em> watch it,” Johnny replies. There’s something very strange in his tone. Well, nothing I haven’t heard before, but the fact that he’s speaking to Bobby that way has my ears trained toward them like I’m trying to pick up a radio signal.</p><p><em>Surely</em> not?</p><p>I stuff the last few granola bars quickly into the backpack and do the clasp up.</p><p>They obviously don’t know I’m just here, if it’s what it sounded like. I mean, it’s none of my business, but I’d like to see anybody in my position resist the temptation to find out.</p><p>They’ve gone quiet now: no voices, no steps, no laughter. I’m warring with my conscience that says I should come around the boulders, making enough noise to announce my presence, just in case.</p><p><em>In case of what?</em> my curiosity asks me, and the angel on my shoulder tries to tell me to<em> forget</em> it.</p><p>I start slowly around to the left side, still making up my mind what I’ll do, but before I get to a decision, there’s a small opening between the top boulder and one of the supporting ones, a space of clear air, and I don’t mean to (at least, I’ll tell myself that I don’t), but my eyes go there, just to check. Just in case.</p><p>California state, and maybe the USA, grind to a halt under my feet, because Bobby’s got one arm resting haphazardly on Johnny’s shoulder, which is fine, but the rest of what is happening is very much not fine. Well, there’s nothing at all <em>wrong </em>with it: my eyes just can’t process it.</p><p>It’s not something from reality. Johnny’s hand is at his hip, and they’re turned to face each other enough that they can reach to kiss.</p><p>They’re not really moving, but they are absolutely, and<em> certainly </em>kissing.</p><p>It’s light, not deep, and if that wasn’t enough, the way Johnny looks at him when they pull away from each other would be, all on its own.</p><p><em>But that’s how Johnny looks at me,</em> comes a sudden thought: brusque. Envious.</p><p>Of course, not any more.</p><p>Not. Any. More.</p><p>And we’re both fine with that; I just didn’t expect to see him looking at his best friend that way. I’m frozen to the spot, but now they’re not engaged with each other, I start to fear they’ll spot the pink of my shirt through the boulders.</p><p>I’m torn with an impulse to drop to the ground, which is crazy, and therefore, I start walking, before I really want to.</p><p><em>What to do?</em> races around in my head, and the only things I can think of are: be calm, say nothing, it’s fine, let them keep their secret.</p><p>I see the quick look they exchange, the hint of a grin, when they see me, like they’re celebrating in relief that the timing worked just then, even though <em>it really didn’t, guys.</em></p><p>“Hey,” says Bobby. “Was wondering if you needed a hand?”</p><p>I resist rolling my eyes, because I happen to know he wasn’t wondering anything of the sort at all, even if he wants to pretend that.</p><p>I flush when I see how closely Johnny is looking at me.</p><p>“Yeah, we were about to send out a search party.”</p><p>I adjust the strap of my backpack and don’t look in his direction. “Yeah well, I think I’ve got it all, now. Let’s head back to the city?”</p><p>Easy-going Bobby puts his hands in his pockets and takes the first steps toward where the car is, so I start after him.</p><p>*</p><p>Bobby’s offered me shotgun, and I take it.</p><p>I’m working through some strange nostalgia about being in this car, and which I don’t think I particularly love, when there’s the jingle of Jonny’s keys being inserted in the ignition.</p><p>Instead of the roar into life of the engine, there’s only a dull series of failed attempts.</p><p>I see his look of alarm, and right away, I’m saying in disbelief, “No <em>way</em>.”</p><p>I don’t think Johnny heard me, cos he’s trying again. “You’re fucking joking,” he mutters.</p><p>The chug chug chug comes once more, but the engine just won’t take.</p><p>“You outta petrol?” Bobby asks from behind us.</p><p>“No, do I look that stupid?” Johnny spits back.</p><p>Bobby chuckles, trying at defusing. “Okay, hotshot, what is it then?”</p><p>Johnny slams his hands on the steering wheel.</p><p>“Hell if I know.”</p><p>“You need to give it a rest, or you’ll flood it.”</p><p>I see the tightness in Johnny’s jaw. His lips purse. “Yes, thank you. I’m aware.”</p><p>He pops the hood, opens his door roughly, and slams it behind him.</p><p>I glance back at Bobby in kind of horror, and he grimaces.</p><p>“I’ll go look, too.”</p><p>He climbs up and jumps over onto the sand, and I watch him disappear behind the elevated hood.</p><p>I can’t help but stare out at the desolate landscape, dotted with trees and boulders, and not another car in sight. Just dusty tracks on the road from where the large coach wheels spun as they left us here, abandoned us. I try to think back to what the ranger said, her exact words.</p><p>I conclude that, I don’t think she intended to come back this way, and I hope to <em>god</em> I’m wrong about it.</p><p>“No, no, no,” I say under my breath. There’s no way this is happening.</p><p>I hear things rattle around, sounds of things being undone, and then those two arguing about something, Johnny impatient, Bobby placating, but unsuccessful.</p><p>“Well, let’s just get angry, then!” Bobby says eventually. “I’m sure it’ll help!”</p><p>“Not now,” Johnny says irritably. I hear the grind of metal and he’s closing the hood. He meets my eyes through the windshield.</p><p>The he slowly walks back to his door and puts his hands there.</p><p>I see him taking a deep breath, and trying to get his annoyance under some control before he speaks.</p><p>“I can’t see anything wrong. I’m gonna try to start it again.”</p><p>I chew the inside of my cheek and look at Bobby, who’s still at the front of the car.</p><p>“And if it won’t?” I ask.</p><p>Johnny just lifts his shoulders, and he’s right. We don’t have a lot of options.</p><p>*</p><p>“We got an hour until dark,” Bobby says, looking at his watch, while we sit in the car and try to solve our problem. “Or I should say until sunset. We’ll have light for a little while after that.” He looks at Johnny in concern. “Not long.”</p><p>“You thinking we should walk to the hut?” I ask him. “See if the ranger’s here?”</p><p>Johnny sighs. “And what if she’s not? What if she’s locked up and gone home?”</p><p>“We won’t have time to get back to the car before dark,” Bobby explains.</p><p>“Even if we hurry?”</p><p>The way they look at each other makes me really, really uncomfortable, and a sense of alarm starts in the pit of my stomach.</p><p>“What?” I ask, and they both make a study of avoiding me for a moment, until Johnny rocks his head back against his seat and looks across at me.</p><p>“Well, let’s just say, <em>maybe,</em> because it’s dark there won’t be any rattlers on the trail for us to step on without seeing them. <em>Maybe.”</em> He looks at Bobby for confirmation.</p><p>“Right. It’s cool enough still, that should be okay, but…”</p><p>Bobby looks almost guilty. “But?” I ask.</p><p>“Well, scorpions are nocturnal. We’d never see them in the dark, if we were still walking back.”</p><p>I ignore the creeping feeling that travels cross my skin, and try to reason, “We’ve all got boots on?”</p><p>I need to hear something that will help me calm down about our situation, something that means it’s okay for us to go for the ranger. It’ll be all of us: I’m not letting them go without me like macho men, and I also won’t be staying behind at the car by myself, either.</p><p>Bobby shoots another guilty glance at Johnny.</p><p>Johnny clicks his tongue. “It’s not just little animals we gotta worry about out here, Ali.”</p><p>The alarm in my stomach pools into a cold, acid ball of fear. I glance around us, sitting in the unprotected car, see the way the sun is working its way across the sky, way too fast. Trails of goosebumps rise on my arms and I rub them away.</p><p>Johnny looks at me, frowning in concern, and I think he can tell I’m afraid.</p><p>“We’ll be fine here. We can put the top up, and nothing’s gonna bother three of us here. But… we can’t go walking in the dark like that.”</p><p>“But, surely you’ve got a flashlight?”</p><p>What is he suggesting we <em>do</em>? Just stay in the car all night, out here, by ourselves?</p><p>Johnny scoffs. “Yep, in the trunk. You wanna shine it in the mountain lion’s eyes, or you want me to?”</p><p>“Johnny,” Bobby chides. “Come on, man.”</p><p>Bobby reaches for my shoulder, and for some reason that little point of contact from someone who cares just helps. I turn around to him in my seat.</p><p>“We’re gonna be okay, Ali. It’s gonna be a long night, but we’ll be fine.”</p><p>I nod, trying to show him I appreciate the effort.</p><p>“How about we check what supplies we’ve got?” says his reassuring voice, and he taps me gently. “I know there’s some water in the trunk, and you’ve got some food, right?”</p><p>“Yeah,” I say. “Let’s do that before we lose the light.”</p><p>*</p><p>We’ve all used nature’s amenities, and now we’re assessing the contents of the car, from top to bottom. The three of us are standing side by side, with Johnny in between us.</p><p>He’s gone into a clinical, analytical mode, which is definitely an improvement on his anger and his annoyance, so I’m going with it.</p><p>“Bug spray. Plasters. Tissues. Flashlight. Spare batteries for one refill.”</p><p>“In the backpack still,” confirms Bobby.</p><p>“Half a bottle of Mountain Dew,” Johnny says, a crooked smile appearing on his face, and he shoots me a glance.</p><p>“Well, better than <em>not</em> having it?” I suggest wryly. “We might be desperate by the morning.”</p><p>“Right.” Johnny taps the big thermos. “About a gallon of water, maybe more.”</p><p>“So we’ll be fine there,” adds Bobby. “And it’s not like we’ll die of hunger.”</p><p>“Five granola bars and some trail mix,” Johnny says, as he lays them out on top of the rug we found in the trunk.</p><p>He glances at Bobby and then at me, looking us both up and down.</p><p>“You’re gonna be cold,” he says to me, and I get a bit of a disapproving look. “You didn’t wanna bring a sweater out here?”</p><p>I roll my eyes, because it must be nice to be able to stand there and be smug, just because they both have one on.</p><p>“It was eighty-two when I left this morning. I didn’t expect to be sleeping in a desert.”</p><p>“You still happy with that decision?”</p><p>Johnny’s gaze is on me, and I feel a strange prickle from it, so I look back down into the trunk, but not before I see his eyes fall on my bare arms again.</p><p>“I guess at least you’ve got khakis on. We’ll manage, but it’s gonna drop down into what, the fifties?” he queries Bobby.</p><p>“Forties, I’d say.”</p><p>“Well, hopefully you two keep each other warm <em>all night,”</em> I tease, before remembering with a shock what I saw before. It had slipped my mind completely, once the drama started at the car.</p><p>I have to act quickly to cover my tracks, and I give a panicked laugh, to sell it as a joke.</p><p>There’s a silence from next to me, and I dare a glance to see Bobby shaking his head at Johnny, which he stops doing when he notices me.</p><p>“What?” I say lightly.</p><p>Johnny regards me again, and a few seconds later, he allows, “Nothing. I guess we could eat… I’m not sure whether to call it dinner, but…?”</p><p>I smile, relief coursing through me. I’ve convinced him, them, that I know nothing.</p><p>Unfortunately, though, now I am back to thinking about seeing them kiss, not even an hour ago.</p><p>I have <em>not </em>been given enough time to process that, and I’m feeling resentful about spending time with them in close quarters because of that, since I’m going to be trying, and no doubt failing, not to think about that <em>all night,</em> now.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Johnny’s giving me a bit of a smirk, waiting.</p><p>“Uhh… yeah,” I say. “Dinner.”</p><p>Bobby laughs. “Alright. Are we rationing, or eating everything we’ve got?”</p><p>“I’m not that hungry,” I admit. “What about one bar each, and a handful of mix?”</p><p>*</p><p>We’re leaning against the back of Johnny’s car, still the three of us in a line.</p><p>We’ve closed the top, we’ve got that rug out in the car for later, and we’re taking a nice big drink of water, to get us maybe through the night, if we’re lucky. Without words, we’ve all agreed to minimise how many times we need to get out of the car in the dark.</p><p>Coyote song started up around us maybe ten minutes ago, and Bobby says we might even see some families now that it’s dusk.</p><p>When the first serious, drawn-out howl comes, it startles me so much I grip Johnny’s arm, and don’t even know I’ve done it. I’m standing there, looking for what made the sound, thinking about packs of things with jaws, my heart racing enough to make me queasy.</p><p>And then a curiously gentle voice comes from right above me, not far.</p><p>“It’s okay. They’re not gonna hurt us, Ali.”</p><p>It’s so familiar to have Johnny talk to me like that, that I don’t register it right away, and then all of a sudden, I do; I notice also that I have my hand on my ex-boxfriend’s wrist, or just above there.</p><p>I stare up at Johnny defensively, as if he’s somehow done this, and he’s looking at me calmly, and starting to smile when he sees my chagrin.</p><p>“You alright?” he murmurs.</p><p>He’s annoying, talking to me like that, half like he’s taunting me, half like he’s… well, he’s <em>not </em>flirting, because that’s over, and <em>besides</em>.</p><p>Bobby.</p><p>I tear my hand quickly away from him and his smile turns my heart over.</p><p>“<em>Fine,”</em> I say between clenched teeth, and I see something pass through his eyes.</p><p>I’m not willing to let any <em>single</em> little part of me enjoy that, recognise it, or in <em>any way</em> acknowledge that there’s an edge to this weird moment, because there <em>isn’t</em>, and there can’t be, for hundreds of reasons.</p><p>It’s just going to have to be too bad that I remember what it’s like to stand in close to Johnny, to have him look down at me like that, to draw me in to his arms.</p><p>I turn around so that I’m facing the car, and reach for the thermos, which is behind Bobby.</p><p>“That’s okay,” Bobby says, when he notices. “Here, let me get that.”</p><p>He picks it and steps in front of me, offering me a drink with an innocent smile which makes me feel a twinge of guilt about the moment that didn’t just happen then, even though it might have <em>slightly</em> happened.</p><p>Bobby holds the thermos up high enough that I won’t need to bend over to get my mouth under the outlet, and I take another drink as he presses the button in to let the stream out for me. I cast my eyes out at the landscape so I don’t have to look anywhere near Johnny.</p><p>The spiky trees are casting longer shadows by the minute now, and we hear the playful yelps of a nearby pack of coyotes. While the light lasts, I think I can admit they’re not frightening, and I’ll try to stave off thinking about whether that will change if they come around during the night, while we’re in the car.</p><p>Johnny takes the thermos after I’m done, and I hear him swallowing down a long draught. I rub my arms, and offer Bobby a friendly smile.</p><p>“Do you think we should go in, now?”</p><p>“Well, yeah,” he agrees. “Maybe stretch our legs one last time?”</p><p>*</p><p>We’re keeping the water, the food, and the flashlight in the car, and, if I can at all help it, I won’t be stepping foot out of the car again until the sun comes up.</p><p>Bobby’s lying across the back seat with his legs up, socks against the upholstery.</p><p>We watched the last light leaving the sky just before, out of Johnny’s window, and my eyes did their best to wander even though I didn’t want them to: over his jaw, the dim golden haze shining on his bangs, his profile starkly outlined in the light.</p><p>We’ve got each window down maybe half an inch; enough for fresh air. But it means we’ll get cold more quickly, so we might end up changing our mind about that later.</p><p>Bobby sighs in the back seat. “How did the troop go, anyway? Was it a good trip?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think so.” I chew my lip. “I’ve just realised they’re going to be really worried about us when they get back to the house.”</p><p>“I was thinking about that,” Johnny says. He turns his head to look at Bobby.</p><p>“It’s more than two hours away,” Bobby says, with something resigned in his tone. “I think Aunt Maria will probably assume we’ve gone straight home, don’t you?”</p><p>I see Johnny’s face fall slightly. “I guess you’re right. Shit.”</p><p>Bobby adds, "And seeing as how neither of us make a habit of reporting in about sleeping at friends' houses, I don't think we can count on the alarm being raised by our parents."</p><p>"Nope," Johnny agrees. He looks at me. "You?"</p><p>"My parents are away."</p><p>Johnny sighs.</p><p>I ask, sort of in Bobby's direction, “You think there’s <em>any</em> chance Maria will send help?” But I'm thinking about dozens of tired, and possibly cranky girls getting down off the coach, and Maria having to see each one to her parent for collection after her long day of supervising, and having done that myself before, I already know she's going to spare us only the briefest thought, given that she has no sense of anything being amiss.</p><p>Johnny shakes his head. “Bobby’s right. They’ve got no reason to think anything’s happened to us, and they don’t know we’re still here. Speaking of which.”</p><p>Before any of us can protest, Johnny tries the engine again, and the failure to turn over is sounding even weaker, if anything.</p><p>“You’re flattening it, man,” Bobby says in a long-suffering voice.</p><p>“Like it makes a difference,” Johnny retorts. “Car won’t start as it is.”</p><p>Bobby gives a meaningful sigh, and I look around the headrest and try to summon a smile at him.</p><p>“Seems like you got the best seat there, after all.” It’s dawning on me that we really, truly are going to be sleeping out here in the dark, in Johnny’s car; any chance of an event occurring, to mean we can avoid that, is pretty much past now.</p><p>“You wanna trade?” he says easily, sitting up.</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” I say definitely, because he is too kind for his own good sometimes. “Although I might need to let my seat back a little, later on.”</p><p>Bobby settles down again and looks over at Johnny.</p><p>“Why don’t you guys both lay back? If we’re lucky, we’ll fall asleep and the time will pass quickly.”</p><p>*</p><p>I wriggle around, turning onto my right-hand side to see if that’s any more comfortable. I’ve got my legs drawn up on the seat, so I’m in a bit of a ball, because I can’t get my back straight, and for the love of god, how can this seat be full of so many stupid poking-out shapes? Did they not anticipate anybody wanting to sit here and not feel things jabbing them?</p><p>I huff my frustration.</p><p>I hear a quiet laugh, mockery from next to me, behind my back.</p><p>“You’re still a bad sleeper.”</p><p>“I am not,” I grumble at the door, not bothering to turn over.</p><p>“Hey, Johnny is too,” says the voice from the backseat. “I haven’t forgotten what he was like on camp.”</p><p>Whether that was a quick cover or not, I guess it’s a convincing enough story. They do have a long history of sleepovers, school trips and even karate tours together, so Bobby would know as well as I do.</p><p>“You’re<em> right</em>,” I agree with a little heat, because Johnny has been bad, at times. He would toss and turn like he was being wrestled sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, and it was hard to share a bed with him, then. I’d wake him up and demand he stop, and he’d deny anything, insist he wasn’t even <em>asleep</em>, and sometimes it would escalate into a tired, impatient argument, and sometimes it would escalate into something else. I don’t really want to think much about those moments with him, not while I’m being held against my will, lying down not far from him, but it’s true, he <em>is </em>a bad sleeper. It’s rich for him to be pinning that on anybody else.</p><p>Johnny huffs a breath, like he’s disagreeing, so I add, “How in the hell <em>anyone’s</em> supposed to sleep in this car is beyond me.”</p><p>The weird thing is, other than physically trying to get comfortable, it’s not even that hard to be here.</p><p>Which is even more why it’s best I keep my mind off the past. It’s quite strange how at ease I feel with both of them, after the day, and then these few hours, or whatever it has been. I think maybe the darkness has helped with that, even if I’m not enjoying being unable to see outside, while we wait for the moon to appear.</p><p>“You’ve slept in it before,” Johnny says, and somehow I can tell he’s got his eyes closed. He was on the verge of sleep, and I’ve disturbed him, but he’s not complaining, not really. Which surprises me. “Both of you have.”</p><p>Bobby adds, “Even at the same time, remember?”</p><p>I have to rack my brain for a few seconds, but then I do.</p><p>“Oh, that time we all went to Los Padres to sleepout, but it rained, right?”</p><p>Bobby gives a contented sigh, like he’s king of the world for a moment. “Not on us.”</p><p>“Not on us,” I agree. I choose not to fight the fondness, the smile that comes at <em>that</em> memory.</p><p>“How are you going, Ali?” Bobby asks. “I mean, other than uncomfortable. If you can’t sleep, and you want to talk, we can.”</p><p>There’s a special, warm pleasure I get from being around Bobby again, because he’s still got the same spirit he did when we knew each other well. He hasn’t changed at all; he’s exactly who I remember him being. And the fact that he never bore me any ill will after what happened with Johnny is a lot more than I could’ve asked of him, but he didn’t.</p><p>“That’s okay. Why don’t you sleep?”</p><p>He makes this little sound from his throat. “Unlikely.”</p><p>“Fuck’s sake,” Johnny sighs, and <em>there’s</em> the plaintive tone I’d been expecting. “Some of us <em>could</em> be asleep right now, but I didn’t realise we were on a talk show all of a sudden.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” I say quietly.</p><p>There’s a silence, and then, “It’s okay, I don’t mean that. You should… you should talk if it makes you feel better, Ali.”</p><p>Again there’s that care in his tone that I don’t feel belongs there, not for me, not anymore, because I don’t think I know what to do with Johnny if he’s going to speak to me like we’re still on that ground, when we aren’t anymore.</p><p>“I don’t want to disturb you. I know tonight’s no fun for any of us.”</p><p>“Well, now I’m offended,” Bobby says, and Johnny laughs softly.</p><p>I guess we can both tell he’s quite awake now, because Bobby turns on the flashlight. I roll onto my back.</p><p>“Ghost stories?” he suggests, and covers some of the flashlight with his fingers, like we all used to do at camp, the big hand of shadow coming down to snuff our lives out.</p><p>“Fuck, no,” Johnny says. “Think we’ve got enough to worry about.”</p><p>I look over to see he’s lying on his side facing me.</p><p>I’m not sure if he always was, but I guess so, since I didn’t hear him moving around when I woke him up.</p><p>“Not that we have <em>anything</em> to worry about,” he says, looking me in the eyes.</p><p>I’m not big into the idea of guys protecting girls, but it <em>does </em>make me feel safe, for us to all be here; the three of us will be fine together, I think. I hope.</p><p>“What time is it?” I ask them, and Bobby looks at his watch in the light.</p><p>“After ten. We’ve still got a while.”</p><p>Johnny laughs drily. “Yeah, we do.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading :) And thank you for the lovely words about Chapter 1.  I'd love to hear what you think of this... we're entering the real suspense part now!! I enjoyed writing this new genre in the fandom... a fun challenge &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m <em>not </em>talking about it,” I tell Johnny for the third time, and really, screw him, because he knows how hard it is for me not to smile right now.</p><p>“You’ll feel better if you do. Get it off your chest, like they say.”</p><p>Bobby laughs. “Johnny, I think you’ve forgotten Ali’s a bit smarter than the average person, if you think she’s buying that.”</p><p>“Thank you,” I say, narrowing my eyes at Johnny.</p><p>“Fine,” Johnny says. “You choose our new topic, then.”</p><p>Bobby’s been turning the flashlight on every now and then, and it’s on, right now. Johnny’s sitting facing the front, staring up at the soft top, his socked feet curled up on the seat, knees resting on the steering wheel. We’ve both raised our seats up again, for now having given up on sleep.</p><p>“All I can think of is that I’d be having a lot more fun with you two, if I could get high like we sometimes used to.”</p><p>I can see Johnny smiling, as I look at him from side on.</p><p>“I feel like we’re being insulted, don’t you?” he asks Bobby.</p><p>“Probably mostly you,” Bobby suggests, and I grin.</p><p>I try leaning my back against the car door, desperately looking for <em>any </em>new position which will get me off of the parts of myself I am sick of lying on in this damn seat. Obviously that’s tough, since there are a lot of them: my hips, all the way along the back of my legs, and most especially my lower back and my neck.</p><p>“How about we talk romance?” I ask Bobby, because I’m comfortable to with <em>him</em>, and Johnny’s been staying out of any conversations that haven’t held his interest. He’s either listened in, or closed his eyes, looking like he might be trying to sleep, in which cases Bobby and I have been talking more quietly.</p><p>Bobby gives me a cheeky smile. “You asking me out?”</p><p>We both laugh. “I’d never have the nerve. You’re out of my league.”</p><p>His eyes dance in the light, and he raises a questioning eyebrow. “You asked someone <em>else </em>out recently?”</p><p>I love our easy way together, and again I’m reminded of how much I’ve missed Bobby. Tonight feels different, because I’m not here as Johnny’s girlfriend, but all of us as equals, or at least the two of them as equals to me, whatever it is that is going on between them.</p><p>“Not for a while. I guess I’ve been having a break from seeing guys.”</p><p>I’m certainly not looking at Johnny to see if he cares that I’m talking about this, or in any way that might make him think I want him to care.</p><p>“Yeah, I haven’t been doing anything serious, either.”</p><p>There’s the briefest look at the front seat, which I would’ve missed if I wasn’t expecting it.</p><p>He goes on, “Haven’t been dating a girl <em>or</em> a guy for a while, really.”</p><p>Bobby says it pretty easily, although he’s not looking at me anymore, and I can tell he’s waiting for me, wondering how I’ll respond to that news. Because it <em>is </em>news for him, even though I’ve had a warning, and it’s a big deal that he’d tell me when he doesn’t know that.</p><p>“A guy?” I ask, and I make sure to say it warmly, with supportive interest. “I didn’t know that about you.”</p><p>I see him smiling a little, looking both relieved and maybe nervous.</p><p>“Yeah, something I figured out in the last year or two, I guess. I still like girls too, though. People can, ah, people can do that.”</p><p>I don’t know why, but I feel like it’s right to slip my hand back, in between my seat and the door, reaching through the space to find his arm, to touch him there. He’s just shared something with me that’s important to him, and I want him to know how much it means to be honored like that.</p><p>“I know they can, Bobby. I like that you told me.”</p><p>I’ve realised there’s quite a stillness, like an unnatural one, from the seat opposite me, but I can’t quite bring myself to check up on Johnny as being awake, asleep, at peace, or horrified, just now, because this is Bobby’s moment.</p><p>Bobby flashes me an uncertain smile. “I maybe shoulda realised it sooner. Guys are…”</p><p>I smile wryly, squeezing his bicep before bringing my arm back through to my side of my seat. “Yeah, they are, aren’t they?”</p><p>I hope it seems smooth enough that I don’t ask him if there’s a special guy, since he’s already told me he doesn’t have anything solid going.</p><p>“Are you still really uncomfortable sitting there?” he asks. “Cos I’m happy to take a turn so you can stretch out. Seriously.”</p><p>I groan at him, “Stop offering, would you? It’s getting harder to say no, and I’m trying to be the bigger person here.”</p><p>Bobby smiles and flicks the light off, and then back on.</p><p>Johnny sighs. “You know that sends the batteries flat, right?”</p><p>“You know that’s BS, right?” Bobby counters.</p><p>“How about you hand that over to an adult?” When Bobby holds it out of reach, making the light dance at the back of the car, Johnny adds, “Give me the fucking flashlight? Now?”</p><p>“You’re<em> eighteen</em>,” Bobby informs him, as he hands it over, with something like a pout.</p><p>It hits me that they’re flirting. They’ve either forgotten I’m here, or they don’t care because they’ve gotten caught up in it.</p><p>“Yeah, well, my car, my rules.”</p><p>Johnny puts the flashlight up on the dash, angled so it doesn’t blind any of us.</p><p>“Anybody need a drink?” I ask, since I have the water in my footwell.</p><p>“Nah, I’m good,” I hear from the back. “You cold, Ali? You want this rug?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I am, a little.”</p><p>It’s been pretty warm in the confined space with the three of us, but there is a tiny draught of cold coming in through that window gap, and also a sense of it coming from above us, through the soft top.</p><p>Bobby passes the rug through, and I let my seat back some. I unfold the rug and tuck it around me. It’s nice and soft, and it smells like a once familiar smell: Johnny’s car, going to the beach, going on picnics, lying down with my boyfriend. It’s not as unsettling as I feel it should be, which unsettles me in itself, and I squirm while I get to trying, once again, to fit my back into a halfway decent resting place in this godforsaken seat.</p><p>Johnny starts to laugh from next to me, and I turn to glare at him, because I’m still annoyed about the rug, and the memories it evokes.</p><p>“What?” I demand.</p><p>He schools his features into something neutral, or tries to. “Nothing.”</p><p>I look even more irritated, I think. I hope.</p><p>“Then <em>what</em>?”</p><p>He gives me this smirk. “It’s just, are you ever going to stop fucking moving around?”</p><p>“I don’t know! Is your car ever going to stop feeling like I’m lying on an uneven pile of wooden blocks?”</p><p>“You must be getting old, Ali. You never used to mind.”</p><p>“Screw you.” Goddamn him for making me smile; I <em>hate </em>him.</p><p><em>Definitely </em>don’t hate him, but I hate that he’s making me feel confused, and that I’m trapped in his car so he can keep doing it. I’m sure he’s loving every <em>minute</em> of it.</p><p>I jump when hands touch me without warning, on my upper arms, which are bare.</p><p>“Sorry,” Bobby says quickly and moves his hands onto my shoulders. “Didn’t mean to scare you. I was just wondering about whether this might help you relax.”</p><p>I tip my head up as far as I can, until I see him there, his upside-down face, with his sandy brown hair falling forward around his eyes.</p><p>“Tell me if you want me not to,” he adds.</p><p>Something small and firm – thumbs, I guess – digs into my upper back, above my shoulder blades, and I flinch because massage always feels like that, sore, so <em>sore,</em> but so good. They dig in again, matched with the rest of his fingers up higher.</p><p>“Oh no,” I say softly.</p><p>“You don’t like it?”</p><p>“I don’t think I can let you stop doing that. Maybe… ever.”</p><p>I see his upside-down smile. “Well, I can’t make long term promises yet, but how about we see how it goes?”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>I have to stifle a curse-word next, since that would probably seem quite out of place when he’s doing something so nice for me, but my <em>god</em> that feels incredible.</p><p>As much as it feels so nice to have a massage, and even better because it’s from someone I care about, it’s accompanied by an unexpected feeling when I look up at Bobby while he does it, so I think I might not do that, anymore. Look up.</p><p>I let my eyes close, and my head relax, go slack. I drift away into the feeling of Bobby finding tension points along my neck and shoulders and gradually working them away from me.</p><p>*</p><p>I shake myself awake, and then silently scream, because I was<em> asleep</em>, like I’ve wanted to be for hours.</p><p>It’s dark, silent. I close my eyes. I try not to move, and I manage it for the count of a hundred, and then I start counting from the beginning once more.</p><p>When it doesn’t work, I stare up at the blackness over my head.</p><p>“You’ve been asleep,” is the whisper from Johnny, and in my unguarded state, I shiver at hearing that voice in the dark, the way I used to some nights.</p><p>“Well, I’m not, now,” I say, quietly, in case Bobby is.</p><p>“I can see that.”</p><p>I turn as carefully, quietly, onto my side as I can, slowly drawing my legs up while avoiding the stick, and succeeding at making very little noise, almost none.</p><p>There’s a greyness of very dim light, moonlight to see by, as long as I don’t stare up at the featureless roof of the car, enough to make out that Johnny’s lying facing me too, which I guess he must’ve been if he knew I’d woken up.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” I say across the space in between us. “I tried not to move.”</p><p>“You didn’t wake me, Ali.”</p><p>It’s so, so strange to be whispering in the near-dark with Johnny, lying maybe a foot apart, that I don’t even know where to begin, so I don’t bother.</p><p>I think the main reason it’s strange is that I feel relaxed about it.</p><p>I also had a dream, just before, and the details are skipping away from me, rapidly as they do, but it was of two boys among others, two boys on their bikes, and at school, and in their cars. And I realise… actually, maybe I already <em>knew</em>, and it might have even been long before they did, depending upon when that was.</p><p>I know Johnny never cheated on me, but I also know, this thing for Bobby was there for him back then, inside him, whether or not he knew about it.</p><p>I think that should hurt me somehow, because that overlaps with when Johnny was mine, and yet it <em>doesn’t</em> hurt. It doesn’t make me feel like what we had didn’t count, because I<em> know</em> it did, for both of us. I’ll never doubt how much it counted for Johnny, and I’m the same. It counted so much for me that it still hurts, occasionally.</p><p>I’m struck with the urge to tell Johnny that I <em>know</em> about them, or whatever it is, and that I think it’s perfect for him; some dormant rush of feeling for him that I’d like to see him happy again driving me to the words. But I can’t just come out with it, and anyway, just because Bobby was at ease to tell me what he told me about liking guys doesn’t mean Johnny has to, if he doesn’t want to. And they might want their thing to be secret, for only themselves.</p><p>“I’m sorry you got stuck with me, Johnny. Here tonight.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>“Oh, you know,” I say softly, “me moaning about your car, keeping you awake, and everything.”</p><p>“I already told you I wasn’t asleep.” I can hear a smile in his voice.</p><p>I’m not sure what he was doing, then, lying here facing me and not sleeping, but I don’t really want to go down that line, so I say instead, “Well, you’d have more peace if I wasn’t here, that’s all.”</p><p>There’s a pause. And then he has the nerve to say, “I guess <em>that</em> was always true.”</p><p>“Watch it,” I whisper pointedly.</p><p>There’s the softest laugh. “Never cared for peace and quiet, though. Pretty sure you know that.”</p><p>I’m <em>struggling.</em> I don’t understand the whirl of emotions going on inside me, how it almost feels like Johnny and I are saying we missed each other, even though those aren’t the words. We’ve never said it, and probably will never admit it. But there’s<em> something</em> of it here tonight, unless it’s the stress and tiredness working on my imagination.</p><p>I’m not sure it’s the greatest idea, so I steer us away from there.</p><p>“Yeah, but if it was just the two of you, you could…” I pause, because I want to plant the idea in his head that he can tell me if he wants to, but only if he wants. “You could, you know, have more room, and I mean… you wouldn’t have to share your rations.”</p><p>He doesn’t answer me right away, and I wish I could make out more than where his face is. I can only barely see the moonlight gleam on his eyes.</p><p>“You worried we’re gonna run out of food, is that it?”</p><p>“No, you’re right. I guess we’re likely to make it through the night.”</p><p>“Hopefully.”</p><p>I’m not sure how far away it is, but outside, I hear a whistling sound, nothing human beings make, and then a low growl.</p><p>Johnny must hear me gasp, because he reaches for my hand.</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say.”</p><p>The growl comes again, and all my instincts are telling me to sit up, see what I can see, yell at Johnny to try to start the car again.</p><p>The cold fear is back in my stomach. <em>Jaws, teeth, sharp claws, yellow eyes.</em></p><p>His thumb strokes back and forth over my palm. “We’re safe, Ali. We’re okay in here.”</p><p>How can he know, though? He’s probably just placating me, calming me, which is nice, sure, but I need <em>solid facts.</em></p><p>“Johnny,” I say, trying to still the shake in my leg that comes from the chill of terror.</p><p>“Can you…”</p><p>Johnny is shifting in his seat, and his hand leaves mine and he pushes in under my upper arm.</p><p>“Let me do this for a minute?” he asks urgently but quietly, and I’m powerless not to lift myself up so he can slip his arm in there. It curls around under and behind me, warm, comforting, too familiar.</p><p>He’s lying awkwardly to be able to do it; he’s moved closer to me.</p><p>“They’re just animals, and they’re not gonna come get us in here, alright?”</p><p>I’m mesmerised by his tone, and trying my hardest not to be, failing utterly. Why is he doing this?</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m being stupid.”</p><p>The arm around me tightens, and there’s this pull toward him before he releases me from that, and his arm goes lax, and I <em>think,</em> and I’ll never know, but I think Johnny was reverting to an old impulse and was going to try to soothe me with a kiss them, maybe on my temple. I would’ve stopped him, so I’m glad he realised what he was doing before that happened. But maybe I’m totally imagining it.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” he says comfortingly.</p><p>I’m on edge, waiting for the next growl, or that whistling, neither of which have come yet. Although the cold fear isn’t making it hard to breathe anymore, not with Johnny so close. It’s nice not to be alone; it definitely reduces the anxiety.</p><p>“Hey, you know that thing that Bobby said…”</p><p>My heart moves up into my throat, totally distracted. Right away, I’m locked into the conversation.</p><p>“Yeah, Johnny, I do.”</p><p>“That’s, like…” He stops, and I hear him sigh, sounding lost. “That’s…”</p><p>We’re going to have to go forward now; we’ve crossed the Rubicon.</p><p>I wait a moment and then say as gently as I can, “That’s the same for you, isn’t it?”</p><p>There’s a slight tensing up in him, in the arm under me, but only a slight one.</p><p>“It is. How did you know?”</p><p>“I think… maybe I should’ve always known.”</p><p>The fingers behind my back stroke a slow circle on my shirt, once again adding new confusion to the already very busy series of emotions moving through me.</p><p>“You know that doesn’t change… that didn’t change, like, when you and I were…”</p><p>The fact that Johnny can no longer finish sentences means more than anything how open he’s being right now, how unsure, and my heart softens for him.</p><p>“I do know that,” I whisper. “And hey, that’s all history now, right? There’s nothing at all to worry about.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says quietly, and I don’t know why, but it seems strained.</p><p>*</p><p>Once we were sure the mountain lion had moved on from our area, Johnny let me go, and we both tried for some sleep again. I know that I succeeded briefly, if only because I can’t remember lying there for ages.</p><p>The next time I wake, I can hear soft voices. I stir and turn to them, and when they hear me, the flashlight goes on in Bobby’s hand, shining upwards and throwing light through most of the car. I’m not sure when he got given it back, but he’s switched ends in the backseat, and his chin is resting on the headrest of Johnny’s seat, not far from the blond hair fanned out there.</p><p>“Did we wake you up?” he asks in concern.</p><p>“No, I have a feeling my body did. What’s the time?”</p><p>“Around two.”</p><p>I groan. “I guess we’re past halfway, huh?”</p><p>“Well past,” Johnny agrees. “So you need to, ah…?”</p><p>I grimace. “I think so. You guys?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bobby admits sheepishly. “I think we can risk it, if we stay together.”</p><p>My cheeks warm up, and I’m glad they won’t be able to see that.</p><p>“If either of you think that I’ll be doing that in front of you…”</p><p>Bobby laughs. “Come on. We’re ex-Scouts; we’ll <em>some </em>of us are. Let’s get our boots on. We’ll make a system work.”</p><p>*</p><p>The air outside is cold enough to bite at my face and arms.</p><p>The system involves all of us talking, just loud enough to hide… sounds. It also involves vigorous use of the flashlight to inspect areas for small creatures, because, <em>god no</em>.</p><p>We saw one. Or I saw one. A <em>scorpion</em>, not a snake, because if it was the second, I would have jumped back in the car, my bladder be damned. I still screamed, before I cut it off. I don’t know if the scorpion heard me, or felt our steps, or what, but it scuttled off through the sand, black and terrifying, disappearing under some coarse chapparal.</p><p>We headed in pretty much the opposite direction from there.</p><p>When it’s Bobby’s turn, last, and I’m standing with Johnny in the dark while we watch the flashlight move around, he bumps into my shoulder while I’m rubbing my arms to try to get some friction heat going on my bare skin.</p><p>“You doing okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” I say, my teeth chattering. “Surprisingly. Thanks for checking up on me.”</p><p>“No problem. Is that… are you cold?”</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>Of course he has the nerve to touch me, to check what I’m doing properly, to see if I’m lying, and I shoot him a menacing look, which I’m not sure if he can see.</p><p>“For the love of… you’re <em>freezing</em>. Why didn’t you say?”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” I grit out, but he won’t listen, and I hear the rustle of him pulling his sweater over his head. I think I make out that he’s dragging his shirt back down to cover his stomach, before he’s pressing the sweater against me, against my body.</p><p>“Yes obviously,” he says, with familiar sarcasm. “Come on, here.”</p><p>I shy away from the fine knit, still warm from being on Johnny. “I’m not wearing your sweater.”</p><p>Johnny sighs heavily. “I just love that you’re still this stubborn.”</p><p>I hear Bobby laughing from nearby. The flashlight dancing and finding a Joshua tree, lighting it up in outline momentarily, before the ray swings around again, means he’s on his way back to us; he was looking for the landmark. When he’s in front of us, he plays it over me and then Johnny, momentarily blinding us in the act of Johnny trying to force his unwanted clothing on me.</p><p>Both of us instinctively cover our eyes, because it’s really bright to come of nowhere like that.</p><p>“Fuck off,” Johnny laughs.</p><p>“Make me,” Bobby counters, chuckling when Johnny tries to wrestle the flashlight back from him again.</p><p>“I told you you had one more chance with this.”</p><p>They flirt like that on the way back to the car, and it makes me smile quietly to myself. Johnny grabs him by the arm, and he’s reaching to get the light, stopping Bobby from his efforts of walking away. I hear them laughing, the sound loud in the emptiness around us. The light flicks around erratically, illuminating lines of chapparal or sand, and the guys persist with the struggle until Johnny finally manages to get his hands on the flashlight. I consider, that the way they’re touching each other, from what I can see, isn’t so different from how they always have. This was always right there in front our faces, including theirs.</p><p>In the car, we all get back into the same spots. Johnny grabs the soda bottle and takes a big swig of it, and we pass it around for a while.</p><p>“We going back to sleep?” Bobby asks.</p><p>“Dunno, we can try.”</p><p>*</p><p>We don’t sleep, and Johnny loosens up about the battery use in the flashlight since we haven’t even drained the first set, and it will be dawn in not too many hours.</p><p>I snuggle up in the rug, and after a while Johnny’s got his sweater back on. We’re sitting up and dissecting some incidents from our school days, when the car rocks slightly, once, like the way a gust of wind would do. I don’t really notice it; I’m too busy focussing on Bobby’s interpretation of the cheating scandal during eighty-three.</p><p>Johnny’s been resting back against his door, giving me this slight smile, when his eyes move to the window behind me and then slowly over to Bobby. This weird, light expression comes into his face, like something forced, and he flicks his eyes meaningfully at Bobby in my direction.</p><p>Bobby looks at me and trails off in his talk, and then slowly slides to sit at the front of his seat.</p><p>He looks into my eyes and takes my hands into his through the seat gap, and Johnny clicks the flashlight off, and suddenly we’re in the dark.</p><p>“Hey, Ali?” says Bobby’s whisper.</p><p>“What’s going on?” I ask, confused, feeling weird about him holding my hands. Also, I can’t see him now.</p><p>“You’re doing a great job tonight. I think we all are.”</p><p>My eyes slowly start on adjusting to the light level.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I need you to trust me, now. Can you do that?”</p><p>“Of course,” I say immediately, even though I’m still pretty puzzled about what the hell he’s doing.</p><p>“Only because I’m not sure about this, I’m just going to put my hand up, okay?”</p><p>His soft hand covers my mouth, and somehow I just know something’s very, very wrong, and they both know what it is. I wait in the deepest fear, knowing he will tell me.</p><p>“There’s a cat at your window.”</p><p>My eyes widen painfully, and his hand tightens on my mouth, but it’s okay; I don’t need to scream. Or maybe I do.</p><p>“It’s gonna be okay. He can’t see us as well, now. What I’m gonna do is -”</p><p>I’m turning around before Bobby can get any further.</p><p>The outline is painfully clear, the cougar standing up on back legs, its head and paws three terrifying shapes on the window, just a couple feet from where I’m sitting, less.</p><p>There’s a shout of denial in my mind:<em> But they don’t grow that big.</em></p><p>I’m paralysed, trying to draw in some air, but my throat has closed over. The cat snuffs a breath we can all hear in the silent night, the warmth fogging up the glass.</p><p>
  <em>Ability to track by smell, eyesight in semi-darkness, up to two-hundred pounds, speed higher than human ability, ambush predator.</em>
</p><p>Facts eddy into my head, my unhelpful brain digging them out from wherever they’re stored.</p><p>“It’s okay, Ali,” Bobby whispers to my ear, and all I can think of is <em>how is this okay?</em></p><p>“He’ll move on,” he adds.</p><p>I see the eyes, and surely they see me; it’s looking right at me and Bobby, and the cold fear sends an ice spike through my heart.</p><p>We’re all trying not to move a muscle, but my sinking, fearful knowledge is that it won’t make any difference, because the window is still open a crack, and the thing is going to be able to smell us and hear us.</p><p>“You know how rare attacks are.”</p><p>I nod slightly, grateful for his hand on my mouth, because I couldn’t dream of speaking. The cat’s head moves, and he stands up a little higher, investigating the window further. A musky smell comes to me, and something rotten, too, and I think that’s because it has its mouth open.</p><p>The rational part of my mind, which is as tiny as an island in the open sea right now, tells me that we’re too big, and that they fear humans mostly, but I worry about what kind of damage it could do to me (claws, teeth, powerful leap) before it remembered it was afraid of me. I’m still trying to convince myself that something so big even <em>will</em> be afraid.</p><p>That thing is <em>huge</em>; I know why Bobby is calling it a male. I guess my fear is amplifying the size, but it is standing up not even at full height, and could easily beat mine.</p><p>The mouth (<em>jaws</em>) sniffs out the crack in the window, and I hear it better now, tracking us, scenting us.</p><p><em>Just curious</em>, the little rational part says, but the words are lost into a vacuum.</p><p>“Bobby,” Johnny says calmly, and I have no idea <em>how</em> he’s staying that way. “We can’t risk it jumping up onto the -”</p><p>“<em>Right.”</em></p><p>I’ve been trying to ignore that little fact all night, that we are in a convertible, and now that it’s been said out loud and I can’t any longer, the thermostat on the cold acid fear plummets, plunging below zero.</p><p>Vinyl, soft, tear-able, shred-able. Not metal. Not protection.</p><p>Johnny makes a decision; I see the movement, don’t quite have time to think <em>yes!/wait, will that </em>help?</p><p>He slams down on the horn in a long blast.</p><p>The sound no doubt echoes through the Park for a mile, but the main thing is, the cat is so startled it practically jumps away with an almost <em>grunting </em>sound I can hear in concert with the horn, and then it’s gone.</p><p>
  <em>Gone where?</em>
</p><p>“Keep going,” Bobby says, and he’s letting me go, getting moving immediately. He’s at the window, straining his eyes. “I see it! It’s running away.”</p><p>He sounds relieved, triumphant. He watches for another while, and Johnny makes some short blasts, just to be sure, and it’s hurting my ears, but thank <em>god</em> he thought of doing it.</p><p>Bobby sinks back down onto his seat. “We’ve scared the poor thing half to death.”</p><p>When Johnny flicks the light on, I see Bobby sending him a half-chiding smile.</p><p>“It was him or us,” Johnny says flatly, but his eyes have some amusement in them. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”</p><p>Bobby chuckles. “I doubt he’ll come bother a car again in a hurry.” He looks at me. “The good news is, if this is his territory, we won’t see another one.”</p><p>I sigh. “Yeah, you’re right.” My heart is slowly returning to normal after the fright, although the adrenaline will have to take time to disperse.</p><p>“How <em>big</em> was that thing?” I ask, shaking my head at each of them in turn.</p><p>“I know,” Johnny says, looking back at my window.</p><p>“You know we weren’t <em>really</em> in danger them, right?” Bobby asks me intently.</p><p>“I do,” I admit slowly. “I got scared, though. He was right there.”</p><p>“He was. And it was a shock. You got nothing to be ashamed of. If he’d crept up behind <em>me</em>, I…”</p><p>“You woulda shit your pants,” Johnny supplies, smirking.</p><p>Bobby throws him a rude finger. “Alright, so the next time a cougar happens by in my life, I’m gonna send you out to talk to him one on one, since you’re not afraid.”</p><p>Johnny laughs. It feels good to make light, now. It’s easy to remember that they don’t pose much danger to adults, and avoid humans if at all possible. <em>Much</em> easier now that there isn’t one right at my window, trying to get into Johnny’s car to see what’s in here.</p><p>“You’d be safe,” Bobby mocks him. “While you might be as hard-headed as a mule deer, he wouldn’t waste his time with something so sour.”</p><p>Johnny’s peering at him, and I pick up again how much they like each other, regardless of whatever they’re currently saying.</p><p>“If he tried to eat you, his teeth would rot out of his mouth.”</p><p>I really like it.</p><p>“Oh shit,” I add. “That only leaves me here, so I hope Bobby’s right that he’s scared of us now.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Ali,” Johnny assures me. “Unless that cat’s got a taste for hot sauce, he’d leave you well enough alone.”</p><p>I narrow my eyes, but can’t help returning his smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Rediscovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading :) I had so much fun with this story and DEFINITELY want to write this genre again, maybe as even more of an adventure :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’ve come up with what I see as the only option offered by our inventory for preventing for a return visit: bug spray. After discussing the pros and cons, we end up spraying it along the window cracks. Johnny wants to get out of the car to spray it more, elsewhere, but I think he can sense I’m worried about opening the doors again before daylight, even though I know I really don’t need to be, so he pretends to believe my reasoning that that will be enough, given how strong it is.</p>
<p>I mean it’s <em>true, </em>it will be<em>;</em> it’s so pungent, acrid, it’s awful. It starts to die away, but only after we’ve coughed a bit, drank some water, and then some more Mountain Dew to try to get the taste of it out of the back of our throats.</p>
<p>We can’t really go right back to sleep, or possibly at all, after that excitement, and so we end up throwing hand shadow puppets onto the soft top, and laughing at each other, probably through tired delirium, while we try to guess what the hell they are supposed to be.</p>
<p>“And you said we had to get high to feel like this,” Bobby says to me at one stage, and I nod, because it’s a good point; we definitely don’t. He’s sitting right in the centre of the backseat now, and me and Johnny are lying down, but both facing a fair bit toward Bobby.</p>
<p>Next time Bobby’s got the light, he wedges it between his knees so he can free both hands.</p>
<p>A wild laugh escapes me because something about his, <em>I don’t even know what that is,</em> just tickles me, like it’s a worm in the death throes or something.</p>
<p>After I say that, and Johnny guesses that it’s a deformed dog, Bobby gets snide with us.</p>
<p>“If you don’t know what an alligator looks like, I don’t know what to tell you.”</p>
<p>Johnny laughs and looks across at me, his whole face at ease, and my heart skips a beat.</p>
<p>I look into the backseat instead. “I’m sorry, Bobby, I should’ve got that one.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you should’ve,” he agrees, but he allows me a grin. “Your turn?”</p>
<p>He passes the light to me, and his fingers are slow to let go, lingering on mine like they did last round. Our eyes connect, and it feels like that thing when he gave me the massage that was so nice that it sent me to sleep.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Once we’ve all teased each other a lot more, and run entirely out of ideas for shadow puppets, the mood goes quieter again.</p>
<p>We talk a little, and Johnny assents to having the flashlight lying between the seats, still on, so that we can see. It finally dies, but Bobby is able to find the spare batteries, and I hear the sounds of fumbling around while they get replaced.</p>
<p>Then we have light again, and our chats resume. My eyes follow Bobby’s hand when it comes over the top of Johnny’s headrest and stays there. Johnny glances at it without moving, and even though he doesn’t do it right away, he eventually covers it with his, when Bobby’s talking to me about the other time we all stayed in a car together.</p>
<p>I smile at Johnny, very happy that he decided to show me, and I like the way his eyes are part of his smile back at me.</p>
<p>I’m almost drifting off to sleep, but the persistent cold air coming in from above me prevents it and I sigh and turn over to reach for the winder.</p>
<p>It won’t budge, and when Johnny sees my failed attempt, he pushes up off his seat and gets onto his knees in between the seats to lean over me.</p>
<p>I’m captivated by the view from underneath, by so much of him being in such proximity to me, by the fold of his sweater at the top of his jeans, his broad chest and shoulders. I watch as he knocks the thing to get it going again.</p>
<p>“All the way up?” comes the question.</p>
<p>“Yes, please.”</p>
<p>“Done.”</p>
<p>Johnny looks down, which makes me feel both <em>oh no,</em> and <em>yes, I’m here.</em></p>
<p>He drops his hand from the winder and starts to move away but then freezes. I should break his gaze.</p>
<p>I haven’t known what this is all night, but it won’t go away, and I guess I do know <em>partly</em> what it is, even if it surprises me to feel it, and <em>strongly</em>.</p>
<p>He can’t stay there for much longer; that I know, and before I remember the obvious,<em> obvious</em> thing to remember about Bobby, I’m lifting up my hand toward his, facing up.</p>
<p>Johnny takes it, crossing our palms, his hand big and warm. My heart pounds, and the feelings whirl, and I’m not sorry about either of those happening.</p>
<p>And <em>that’s</em> when I remember. When Johnny is starting to come down toward me.</p>
<p>I turn my head in humiliation and let go of him, forcing myself to turn all the way to face Bobby.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” I say, feeling twisting guilt that’s almost nauseating. How could I have gotten so distracted by my own feelings that I’d forget about him? “I don’t know what came over me, then.”</p>
<p>Why is Bobby calm and <em>smiling</em>? There’s no way he didn’t see that from where he’s sitting right there.</p>
<p>“I do. Go for it.”</p>
<p>I stare at him, dumbfounded. “What do you…?”</p>
<p>He sits forward and leans his elbow on the back of my seat. There’s this welcoming look in his eyes, kind and peaceful and happy.</p>
<p>“<em>Go</em> for it,” he repeats, smiling. His other hand smooths my hair, and I’m spellbound. “There’s not one person in this car who doesn’t want that to happen.”</p>
<p>His fingers touch me lightly, and he gazes at me before gently turning my head back to the front.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why he’s giving me the chance to do this, why he doesn’t mind, nor do I understand why I’m disappointed when I feel him let go of me.</p>
<p>But Johnny’s looking hesitant after that, and when I smile up at him with as much boldness as I can summon, he takes my hand again.</p>
<p>The breathless feeling of an impossible moment being mine fills my head, and I draw him down to me.</p>
<p>He comes. He pauses near my mouth, and we’re both looking at each other’s lips, my heart fit to leave my body completely.</p>
<p>Then I look into his eyes, a few seconds of wonder, that this has to be a dream I’m having, but either way.</p>
<p>His lips touch mine, and I almost tremble, because it’s <em>Johnny,</em> and it all wells up in me. We don’t even move yet, just press firmly together, and I feel him breathing through his nose, and if he tries to go anywhere, I’m not going to let him.</p>
<p>Not now.</p>
<p>He tilts his head and teases my mouth gently open. Everything is soft, wet, wonderful, unbearable. We’re kissing, we’re feeling how this is, again, and it is breathtaking. As we start to share our mouths with each other, I fall in more deeply than I intend to, but there’s no stopping, my hands find no purchase on the slide into him.</p>
<p>The need lights up immediately: not sexual, it’s <em>way</em> better than that, and Johnny must feel it too, because he’s climbing onto my seat, and I’m shoving the rug away and making a space for his knees at the front, in between mine. We just need to feel each other again.</p>
<p>My hands move up into his hair, that hair I used to play with and stroke, and our kiss gets passionate without much warning. I can’t even breathe with it, with the way Johnny is exploring my mouth, with us rediscovering each other, but he gives me a tiny space to gasp for air when he breaks away to check on Bobby. I can’t see, but the smile that fills Johnny’s face as he looks back at him makes the whirling feeling pick up pace enough that I have to try to hold on and not be flung right off.</p>
<p>He stays like that, until I lose count, as I watch his face, watch how sublime that look is on him. Then he gazes down at me again, and I can’t move. Don’t ever want to move again.</p>
<p> Johnny holds my face, running his fingers over my lips. “I need to do that again.”</p>
<p>“You <em>do</em>,” I agree fiercely.</p>
<p>He gives me a crooked smile to stop my heart beating and holds me where he wants me to kiss me again. I can’t fight it; I can’t pretend this doesn’t all feel like exactly what I want, exactly what I’ve craved ever since, like anybody but Johnny could have ever given it to me.</p>
<p>We’ve made out in this seat before, done all kinds of things here, and he knows how to rest his weight on me so it’s not too much, but <em>enough</em>, and the need develops a new heat to it, the flickers beginning as my body wakes up. It feels so <em>good </em>to want him again like that, I give it full rein.</p>
<p>I shift in the seat, looking for more pressure from him between my legs, and Johnny gives it to me.</p>
<p>But I’m not surprised when he breaks off before we escalate, because even though I have no idea how this works, I understand there must be some kind of turn-taking.</p>
<p>Or maybe it’s even more complicated than that; I guess I’m about to find out. He looks at Bobby and then back to me, and I nod, so that he doesn’t have to tell me.</p>
<p>There’s a tentative smile and he sits back up on his knees, balancing on the edge of my seat.</p>
<p>It’s not my place to tell him to <em>go on back there</em>, because Bobby has him first, not me, anymore; I’m the one who’s been invited to something, been given the chance to have this reconnection rock me to my deepest core.</p>
<p>I watch him go, turning to the side; I don’t know how they feel about me seeing them, though, that’s the only thing.</p>
<p>Johnny’s slowly climbing through into the back, and Bobby is moving across to make room, his hand still on the back of my seat, until it isn’t.</p>
<p>I get the briefest glance, a smile, before his eyes are taken up with Johnny, who is sitting right next to him, who is putting one arm around his shoulder. He’s sitting just a little higher because he’s slightly taller.</p>
<p>I still don’t know whether I’m supposed to look away from them, but I don’t see how I can, because I’m bewitched, seeing the way they look at each other, really not much at all different to how they always have done.</p>
<p>Johnny’s thumb under his chin pulls Bobby closer, and they start to kiss.</p>
<p>It’s so right for him that it squeezes my chest tight, a phenomenally good tightness. Should I be jealous? Because I’m not, in the least. Two people I care about (yes, I’m going to have to admit Johnny is still in that category, of <em>course</em> he is) are sharing a moment that obviously has them in their own heaven.</p>
<p>
  <em>And they say this isn’t serious?</em>
</p>
<p>I stay still, not making a sound, hoping they don’t mind me being in the car with them, but I guess they wouldn’t be doing this if it was an issue. Johnny’s not kissing him urgently like we just did. They don’t need to; that’s not how they’re feeling about each other.</p>
<p>Bobby’s so relaxed with him, his hand resting at home on top of Johnny’s jeans. I wonder if the way I feel watching them has anything in common with how he did just before, when Johnny was with me, but I guess it probably doesn’t, or not much.</p>
<p>When they stop, Johnny tightens his arm so Bobby is right in under there, and they both look at me. Johnny leans his head back on the seat.</p>
<p>“What now?” he asks, and I give Bobby the chance to reply first.</p>
<p>He rubs a natural touch along near Johnny’s knee and smiles at me.</p>
<p>“Whatever we want.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?” I ask. “Both of you.”</p>
<p>“This,” Johnny says quietly.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” I ask, and it’s Bobby I’m looking at.</p>
<p>“Never been more sure.”</p>
<p>“So…” I say, and my voice is a little choked. “What do I do?”</p>
<p>“Come to me?” Johnny asks.</p>
<p>There’s a timidity is his face, which makes no sense, because doesn’t he know how he just made me feel, and how much I’d like to feel that again? It beckons me to reassure him, calls me powerfully to him.</p>
<p>I’m turning around and climbing up over my seat into the last space back there, in between Johnny and the upholstery, fitting in close.</p>
<p>I flip the front seat forward as far as it will go, since there’s not a lot of room, and I sit on my knees, because I want to face him.</p>
<p>“It’s been a long time since we made out back here,” I say to him, and there’s a particular night or two flashing through my mind: heady, heady memories.</p>
<p>“You think you still know your way around?” His low tone means he knows exactly what I’m thinking about, and a shiver goes through me.</p>
<p>“I guess we’ll find out.”</p>
<p>Bobby has shrugged his way out from under that arm, and he gets up on his knees on the other side.</p>
<p>His hand rests on Johnny’s chest, and he’s watching me expectantly. I think of asking him whether he’s still okay, but his face tells me I really don’t need to.</p>
<p>I know he saw what happened before, but it’s a lot more intense when Johnny’s hand slides behind my neck to pull me in with Bobby right there.</p>
<p>We’re not doing that rough, urgent kiss, but holy hell, it’s just as hot, maybe more. It’s like restrained passion, the way Johnny kisses slowly into my mouth, and I grip onto his sweater, because I might need that balance, the longer this goes on.</p>
<p>I think about the early days of us, about nervous dates where neither of us knew what to do with our hands, and I think about what it was like later on, when he would take me in his arms back here, and then take me out of this world.</p>
<p>His lips move over me with unhurried confidence, a pool of heat we’re building together. Our tongues slide and join, and I don’t fight the emotions that open up, and from what he’s giving me, neither is he. Johnny sucks on my lip, tightens the fingers in my hair, fills me with his warmth.</p>
<p>I rub my thighs together, try to suppress the tingling building, and Johnny kisses over my chin and down my throat while I tilt my head back. His mouth falls at the top of my breastbone, and that’s when I decide I’m going to do pretty much <em>anything</em>, take any opportunity I get tonight. I’m dizzy with my heat, and I push him gently away, because I want to watch again, and I want Bobby to have him now.</p>
<p>My breaths are coming out like little pants, and Johnny stares intently at my lips. Then he’s turning his mouth, and I see the way Bobby comes into him, and it’s like my <em>life</em> depends on this sight.</p>
<p>They go slowly too, but messy, open-mouthed, and I can see it all, see the languorous strokes of their tongues between mouths that glisten wet. A slice of desire pierces me deep and I shudder, trying again to rub it away. I’ve never seen this before, but it’s not that: it’s because it’s <em>them</em>, and they look so beautiful I could nearly cry.</p>
<p>Johnny’s so at peace, and Bobby’s smiling into their kiss, and I let go of my grip so that I can cover Bobby’s hand, lightly, exploratively. One of his fingers comes up to weave into the gap next to my thumb, and my other hand goes to Johnny’s neck, where I feel the movements as his kiss goes on.</p>
<p>The arm Johnny has around my body tightens, and this time he doesn’t have to resist an old impulse, and nor do I.</p>
<p>I’m being compelled to come closer to him, and he’s not really waiting for me to catch up, and I’m laughing softly as I allow him to pull me to sit over his leg when he breaks from his kiss.</p>
<p>He lifts his thigh up into me, staring at me like he knows exactly what I’m waiting for. The pressure hits me through the cotton of my khakis; a whimper bursts from my lips. I lose my balance and fall the few inches it takes to hit his chest, and the tight grip around me means that’s what he wanted all along.</p>
<p>Bobby’s watching me when Johnny lifts his leg again, and there’s a new moment, a vulnerable one, because I’m letting him see me get turned on, letting him see Johnny do that to me.</p>
<p>He bites his lower lip and I can’t help grinding down a little, seeking friction. Johnny’s leg is as firm as a tree trunk under me, and the relief buzzes through me. I feel no shame at all, because Johnny is into it, holding me in close with that arm around me, running his knuckles over Bobby’s upper arm while they watch me.</p>
<p>A gentle hand comes to my waist, stroking me with a thumb, and I know it’s Bobby.</p>
<p>He’s so near me, and so perfect, I look down at his lips and before I know it, move an inch closer. There’s a little pause, and he’s doing the same, smiling, and we’re looking at each other, while we both wonder, I think, what it might feel like. And then we find out.</p>
<p>His mouth is on mine, pressed lightly, and my stomach flips <em>over</em> at the thought that he wants to kiss me. Tentatively we open to each other, and he’s so soft: like warm, sweet sunshine. He’s lovely the way he does this, of course he is, and we’re exploring each other: gentle, unhurried. The deep feelings I’ve always had for him make their way into it, and I try to show him that.</p>
<p>Johnny’s hand comes to my face; I know it’s him because of how confident it is, how proprietary, that he needs me to know he’s enjoying this.</p>
<p>His leg comes to give me another buzz of wonderful pressure, and I sigh into Bobby, and his hand tightens at my waist.</p>
<p>“Are you still okay with this?” he asks me, his whisper touching my lips like a feather.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Are you?”</p>
<p>“I’m a lot more than okay, Ali.”</p>
<p>He turns to Johnny and hooks a finger in the neck of his sweater, tugging gently. Johnny reads a silent message and smiles, sitting up to take that off again. I have to shuffle back while his elbows come out, and this time he lets the shirt be pulled up too, and we have him sitting in the back in just his jeans.</p>
<p>He looks expectantly at Bobby, who follows suit. Things enter<em> very</em> dangerous territory for me, since my heart starts to race along like somebody’s shaking it as fast as they can. Their sweaters are piled on the seat where I was sitting before Johnny pulled me onto his lap, and now there are two sexy men, half-naked and within touching reach.</p>
<p>I don’t feel ashamed about looking at Johnny, other than that I don’t want to stroke his ego too much by letting him know I still think he’s mouth-wateringly hot, even though that smirk means he’s probably seeing that anyway. But there’s a flush creeping into my cheeks when I sneak a look at Bobby, and another look, because <em>oh boy</em>, he’s taken care of himself well. Everything looks firm and tan, and just the size that makes my eyes melt.</p>
<p>He trails his fingertips along Johnny’s abs, and I’m grateful for those seconds where their attention goes wholly onto each other again, because now I can <em>look.</em> Bobby’s still up on his knees, and as much I need to spend some time looking at his arms and his chest, because holy <em>hell</em>, my whole existence narrows down instead onto the way Johnny’s fingers slip inside the waist of his pale tan khakis at the front and tug.</p>
<p>Johnny’s so intimate with his body; they both are with each other, because when Bobby comes in, their hands start to roam freely, and my mind is a dizzy, weak mess.</p>
<p>There’s a little kiss between them, but then Bobby bends down to his neck, and Johnny’s eyes are back on me, hot and intent. They don’t leave me while his hands come to my hips, while he starts to slide my shirt up my body, while his fingertips slowly graze my sides.</p>
<p>I pull it over my head for him, and when he looks down at my white bra, my skin pebbles, my body responding to the desire I recognise in his eyes. Some of that is coming from Bobby, the way he’s kissing and touching, I know, and we’re all connected right now, and I’m not sure I can think of anything hotter that could happen.</p>
<p>I wriggle closer to Johnny again, close enough to invite whatever he wants to do to me next, gazing down at him, but this dark heat I see in his eyes has him finding Bobby’s hand, sliding it around behind me. He wants <em>Bobby</em> to do it, which sends my mind into new heights of malfunctioning, especially when that gorgeous face looks at me from where he is, nestled into Johnny’s neck, and his fingers start to work on the catch of my bra and then rest on my side, up on my ribs, warm, safe, beautiful.</p>
<p>He’s lying in the crook of Johnny’s neck, watching as Johnny reaches up to take the straps from my shoulders, dropping my bra next to him and leaving me uncovered.</p>
<p>Johnny runs a finger along my curve, and I try to tell Bobby with my eyes that if he’d like to do something, I’d really, really be okay about that. His finger rubs a soft line back and forth where he is on my side, like he’s treating my bare skin as something fragile, treasured, and I get the feeling Bobby can’t help but be that way when he’s intimate. His touch moves up a little, still under my breast, slowly tracing my skin.</p>
<p>Johnny’s hand comes over to his, fingers running across and through Bobby’s, and together their hands move up on me, until fingertips graze my breast and then softly fit around me.</p>
<p>I look down, trying to process that they’re both touching me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to, but god I will enjoy it all the same. I see Bobby’s smile before he returns his mouth to Johnny’s throat, still caressing me while he does.</p>
<p>Johnny’s hand in the small of my back compels me slowly into him, his mouth level with my breast, and it’s like a war of desire in our gaze. His parted lips skim over me, and then he takes my darkened pink skin into his mouth, and I breathe out shakily, hot, steadying myself with a hand on his chest.</p>
<p>His hand weaves lazily between my legs and presses up into me. My vision blacks over momentarily because that’s what I <em>need,</em> I need to be touched there, relieved there. And then it gets hotter in an instant, because Bobby starts on him: I see the way his palm grinds down on Johnny’s jeans, and it’s hard to think of ever wanting to look at anything else than that ever again, unless it would be Johnny doing the same thing to him.</p>
<p>Johnny smirks up at me and runs his tongue over me, while he squeezes with his hand under me, and I pivot to seek the contact, meeting him, moving in each touch, itching to satisfy the wave of need that’s building up from it all.</p>
<p>“That enough?” he whispers, and I know it’s a taunt, that he wants me to admit it isn’t.</p>
<p>“Is it all you can do?” I tease, and arch my back, still following his hand.</p>
<p>“No,” he murmurs. “I can do <em>this</em>, if you want it…”</p>
<p>He lets go of me, and well-practiced fingers undo my button, my fly, and move in there to fit around my panties, cupping my heat.</p>
<p>I inhale sharply, and a finger presses up, hard, not hard enough.</p>
<p>“I want it,” I say, and that’s enough for him to tug the cotton down at the front and slip his hand inside.</p>
<p>Curse words light up in my head, and I try to stifle my moan as his fingers find their way inside my wetness and he starts to touch me exactly how I need. I see the arousal grow in the corners of his eyes, feel his legs moving apart, his body opening to the attention he’s getting.</p>
<p>He watches me for a little while that way, his eyes on every sound, every movement I make, and I can see his pride, his cockiness at how easily he’s got me going weak for my release. My irritation at that turns me on more, and it certainly isn’t the first time that’s happened with us.</p>
<p>He got his thumb rubbing me, and two fingers fitting perfectly inside me, moving in and out, and my body is starting to go achingly tight for him, for what he’s doing so expertly.</p>
<p>I ride his fingers onto the blissful hard borderline of letting go, staying there as long as I can and letting it build and build. The answering heat in his face grows, and he seeks Bobby, drawing him up to kiss him again. Deep passion joins them together and sends me flying over the edge. I cry out and pulse around his fingers, the joy of waves of relief coming through me as I shudder.</p>
<p>I chase the feeling far, and Johnny keeps me going after it, soft fingers sending the shockwaves going until they fade to flutters. And then I’m limp with relief, sighing, grateful. Johnny takes his hand gently away and brings me to lean against him, as natural as breathing, while they keep up their kiss, and I hear the way Johnny’s starting to get into things.</p>
<p>As nice as it feels to be held by him, maybe too nice, I decide to move away. I do my best not to disturb them, and flop down in a heap against the side of the car, on top of our clothes, loving that I’m close enough to see them.</p>
<p>I’m still catching my breath when they stop kissing, and I think Johnny’s checking on me, so I smile, relaxed.</p>
<p>Frighteningly happy.</p>
<p><em>Yes</em>… <em>oh god, yes,</em> is all I can think, when Bobby slowly climbs on his lap, sitting all the way across him, and looks down at him.</p>
<p>Bobby’s fingers fit around Johnny’s cheeks, and their kiss starts again, since they can’t ever seem to go very long without it. I can see why, because it just looks so <em>right</em>, and like they’re so close to each other, while they do it.</p>
<p>Johnny’s hands move in between them, and then start work at Bobby’s belt, with measured pace, but I see the need in Johnny all the same. I blush when I realise he’s going to put everything of Bobby on show, and I tear my eyes from looking directly there, some awkward instinct that I guess is pretty illogical considering what just happened between us all, but still.</p>
<p>It takes only a few moments of Bobby taking the touches he’s given, the way he sits close, the way his kiss gets messier, for me to feel my body’s approval at this, rather than just my heart’s.</p>
<p>I’ve never watched people before, and the power of it, how goddamn <em>hot</em> it is, just <em>overwhelms</em> me. There’s a prickle inside me, and I can’t not look at them, soaking in the way their bodies look together.</p>
<p>Bobby’s got his knees wide, and the sight of his tight stomach above his open khakis draws my gaze, makes me need to swallow. I make the effort to follow the gorgeous curve of his back, the sway in it while he sits on Johnny that way, but then I decide I’ll regret it if I don’t look a little bit, if I miss my chance.</p>
<p>It fills me with nearly unbearable heat, a meltdown in my brain. That’s Johnny’s hand, and he’s using it like Bobby fits him perfectly, like Johnny doesn’t even have to think about how to wring those sounds from him that Bobby is starting to make into his mouth.</p>
<p>It makes a stream of strong, good feeling go through me, uncomfortable because I didn’t really want to have feelings that intense when it comes to Johnny anymore, but there’s no way I can avoid it when they’ve let me in to see this, be part of this.</p>
<p>Johnny finds one of Bobby’s free hands and their fingers lock together, held between them, and then they move to rest on my knee. Bobby starts to hang his head, breathing his soft sounds, rapid, needy, and Johnny kisses over his face.</p>
<p>When those beautiful blue eyes, the new ones that I’m not at all used to seeing in this way, find me, I hold his stare and smile, and reach my hand out to cover theirs. I enjoy the last part with Bobby, watching the way Johnny kisses his skin, marvelling at the chance to see from the outside what he’s like with someone he cares for.</p>
<p>Bobby’s eyes squeeze closed, he rocks, and then I know what’s happening, I see the euphoria slowly bleeding his tension away, breaking into delight on his face. He looks amazing right now, strands of hair across his face, his body temporarily out of his control; the way Johnny looks as he sees it unfold.</p>
<p>They share a slow kiss afterwards, lightly touching their lips, no speed, no roughness.</p>
<p>And then I’m not sure what Bobby’s twisting around looking for, in the backpack on the other side to me, down on the floor where it is, and then I work it out. They don’t seem embarrassed about the need for a tissue, so I guess I can’t be either.</p>
<p>After Johnny has smiled at him one last time, I see his eyes fall on my undone khakis, and then raise to meet mine.</p>
<p>I nod, unable not to, because we<em> should</em>: I need us to.</p>
<p>“How?” he asks me quietly, but I hear the edge there, impatience, which calls to my refilled spring of heat.</p>
<p>“I need you to be part of this,” I say to Bobby.</p>
<p>He looks at me in a way that softens my heart for him even more, and he moves to me with determination, while Johnny gives us space. I sit up, making room for Bobby, not sure what he wants.</p>
<p>He’s kneeling in between my legs, and bringing me up off the seat onto my knees, sweeping the clothing onto the floor. When he wraps warm arms around me, my heart comes back up to flutter weakly in my throat.</p>
<p>“Can I sit behind you?”</p>
<p>Johnny must be anticipating the plan, because he’s getting out of our way.</p>
<p>Once Bobby is in the corner, he brings me to lay down in his lap, my head resting on his chest, the rest of me along the seat, and he’s right, this is perfect. He brushes my hair out of my face, wetting his lip and then looking at Johnny.</p>
<p>Johnny’s waited for us to get settled, and once we are, he’s between my legs and leaning over to bring my khakis down my hips. I’m breathing shallow, a little too fast, watching him undress me. I’m feeling at a disadvantage, lying here in only my panties, but Johnny makes me feel okay about it with the way he looks down there. His lust is even more when he draws those away too, and it’s like his eyes are feasting on me.</p>
<p>His hands go to his fly, and now that’s what my attention narrows down onto, seeing the hard shape of him so obviously lying confined there. He flicks open the button, and moves on his knees so he’s closer to me.</p>
<p>His body fills my whole world so that it hurts: I meet his gaze, his hair fallen over one eye, going for what he wants, as sexy and powerful as he always was. I lift up when he wants to bring his knees under my thighs, and then further than that, when he wants me open and raised up for him.</p>
<p>He uses his grip along the back seat to balance himself while he gets ready; I hear the zip, he’s pulling things down just enough. And then I see him, hard enough to make my heart pound, the wide pressure at my entrance.</p>
<p>Johnny takes his hand away from there, slips both hands up to hold my body, and starts to push inside.</p>
<p>He’s going slowly on purpose, but if it’s to torture me it’s a catastrophic failure, because every second of that sliding stretch might as well be broken into a hundred smaller parts. I feel every little sensation, my need flaring to fever height as Johnny’s unforgiving stare meets mine, and I beg him silently to take what he wants when we do this, because I’m certainly going to.</p>
<p>There’s resistance from my body, and I love how he pushes through it to bury himself in me anyway, makes me clench my teeth with how incredible it is to have him all the way deep. He stays there and rocks into me once, hands pulling my body to meet him as if we can get even deeper.</p>
<p>And then he withdraws and starts a slow, hard thrust, the muscles of his stomach clenching as he pushes forward. He takes me that way, into the hilt again each time, strong hands now gripping my hips to bring me onto him. It’s me that moans first, and I can see the victory in his eyes. But given the way he’s using his whole <em>body </em>right now, the way his lip is pulled between his teeth, I know he’s loving this as much I am, <em>needing </em>it as much.</p>
<p>I feel like I’m being split open, and I need to arch up as much as I can so I can get more of him each time. When I throw my head back, panting, I find Bobby staring down at me. I can’t fight the feeling of wanting him right with me, and I plead with my eyes, with my sounds.</p>
<p>And he starts to kiss me. I’m mindless with how much better that makes it, and thank <em>god</em> for him, because he’s letting me kiss him with a lot of passion right now, meeting me in it, and it makes me know how much he wants this for Johnny.</p>
<p>In all the intensity I’m feeling, it seems like I really could almost cry for how much I love that. I find Johnny’s hands on my hips, his wrists, and I dig my fingers in hard, hearing his groan as he rocks my body again.</p>
<p>Bobby’s hand is on my face now, cupping me, stroking along my jaw, and then he gently breaks our kiss.</p>
<p><em>You’re beautiful</em>, I want to tell him, but it doesn’t seem like the right word, and I can’t talk right now anyway.</p>
<p>His eyes move to Johnny, and so do mine. If you’ve seen him like this, you pretty much don’t ever want to see him any other way. He’s got no shame when he looks at my breasts as he takes me, looks along my body like he could stare a hole through me. The fire he’s built up in me is going to be something when it gets released.</p>
<p>Without me even trying, my body is clenched tight around him, needing just a little more, more of the friction from each push inside.</p>
<p>I’m desperate, and he’s gripping me enough to make the muscles in his arms stand out. I find what I can reach of his thighs under mine and hold on tight. I see the heat in his stare, and know he’s nearly there now.</p>
<p>When he lifts his thumb to his lips and runs it slowly past his tongue, my breath catches. And then he grazes my body, right where he’s taking me, right across my bud, and I start to come. It’s too<em> much</em>, and so good, and I can’t <em>see</em>. Everything is shaking, and I feel their hands on me, one set holding and supporting, one set taking what he needs, and when he stops, buried in deep, I feel the shudders from him, <em>know</em> that he’s filling me.</p>
<p>I can hear him, but I’m still crying out, because I’m not done, and my body is falling under every wave that comes.</p>
<p>I come back slowly, dizzy, more satisfied than I think I can handle. My mind is dulled now, useless.</p>
<p>I love that he’s stayed inside me even though he’s done. He’s let go of his final grip on me, and his hands come up softly over me, up as far as he can reach. Hesitantly, I run my hands up his arms, because I think I might need to, think we need this contact before it’s over.</p>
<p>The hardness is gone from him, and I like this too, like how it feels with him looking at me that way.</p>
<p>I have a sudden realisation.</p>
<p>“Hey, I can see you properly.”</p>
<p>Johnny smiles at me. “It’s nearly dawn.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>We doze, dressed, in our seats.</p>
<p>We tried for a little while with the three of us on the one seat, but as nice as it felt, we couldn’t get comfortable back there. We watched the sun come up out of my window, and then I left them first, and they sent me with the rug. Johnny stayed back there a little while, but when I was on the edge of sleep, I felt him come back through and heard the spring stretch as he lowered his seat back.</p>
<p>We’re woken by impatient tapping on the window, Johnny’s side, and a concerned but demanding face.</p>
<p>The ranger, standing there in front of her truck.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It’s been about a half hour since she left us to go call a tow, since she couldn’t get anyone on the radio. She lectured us a little, but was forced to admit we followed the only path available, and then she eased up. Before she left us, she even begrudgingly told us we were right to stay with the car, and that that’s always a good choice when no other safety is clear.</p>
<p>We refused the offer to wait at her hut, since we’ve made it this far. It seemed like we might as well see it through. So we’ve stretched our legs, and now we’re sitting on the hood together, sharing the remaining two granola bars.</p>
<p>Once we’re done, Johnny’s got an arm around each of us and we sit there peacefully, watching the sand change colour through the morning light.</p>
<p>“Think I’ll stick to selling cookies next time,” I tell them. “The girls can find somebody else to take them hiking.”</p>
<p>Bobby laughs agreement, and Johnny mutters under his breath</p>
<p>Then he adds, “Try making me leave the city again, at <em>all.</em> For like the next month.”</p>
<p>“At <em>least,”</em> Bobby agrees, but weirdly enough, I get why he does that fond sigh.</p>
<p>Yeah. All in all, I actually couldn’t be made to trade last night for anything.</p>
<p>Bobby suddenly touches Johnny’s knee. “Hey,” he whispers, and points.</p>
<p>A family of coyotes appears from behind a boulder, two adults and their baby. The parents watch us with intent eyes. We stay as still as we can, but they head away in a wide circle from the car, graceful, rapid steps in the sand until they’re out of sight.</p>
<p>A distant clang of a trailer sounds far up the road, and a cloud of dust signals the approach of the tow truck.</p>
<p>We look at each other, all of us, and I smile, full of warmth for them, for this time we’ll never forget.</p>
<p>The night’s over now, for real. I take a deep breath and jump down from the hood.</p>
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